Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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