dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
