did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
