After last night, I could never be a politician.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
