girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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