sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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