Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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