a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
