in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
