Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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