I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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