I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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