Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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