id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
