I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
