Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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