Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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