is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want a musical about memes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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