went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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