so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
