you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
