I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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