i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You took a bar mat shot.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
