Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
