I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
