i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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