The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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