I'm so fucking centered right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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