i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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