Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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