I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
