you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
