For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
