do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
