I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
