Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
