What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
is it fun? or sober?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
