i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
