just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
