Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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