My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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