4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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