Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
