yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We left an ass print on the piano.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
