We got so high we made milksteak
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
