I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
