She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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