We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
