Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
