Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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