He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
