She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
